Today I have been thinking about Patrik Keim. I am not sure if it is my discovery of Amazon Prime’s Hannibal or if it was something that triggered a memory of Patrik. I found out that a man named Allen C. Shelton was a friend of Patrik’s and wrote a book about him and his own life entitled “Where the North Sea Touches Alabama”. It is available on Amazon for around ten dollars. In the book the author believes that Patrik is a ghost crossing from this realm to another realm. I have read the preview on google books, it seems like a book of self-discovery by the author. How much of it is based on fact and how much on fiction is unclear.
Last night I watched “The Squid and the Whale” by Noah Baumbach on the app Crackle, which is on my Roku player. I have seen this movie many times but found myself aware of facts in the movie that I never understood before. Spoiler alert (skip to next paragraph if you don’t what the movie analysed). The character that Laura Linney plays was physically abused by her husband. This is the crises, the thread that runs through the entire movie. I had always thought that the squid and the whale was about the kid being afraid of the squid and the whale sculpture at the natural history museum in New York. I interpreted the use of it in the title as a way to show a coming of age tale in the manner of the movie “Stand by Me” . In “Stand by Me” the moment was finding the dead girls body, and in “The Squid and the Whale” it was the divorce of the main protagonists parents. How absolutely wrong I was even if it was for all the right reasons. Of course the divorce can be seen as a catalyst because it forces the boys to interact with their father without the interpreter/enabler, their mother. This was clarified in the counselors office when the boy talked about his last good memory being when he was 6 or 8 and spending the day with his mother, he described the fear he had with the natural history museums squid and the whale sculpture. How he dealt with his fear was by putting his hands over his face and allowing only the shadows to come through, later his mother took him home and calmly interpreted the images in a positive manner. This moment underlies the boys self-awareness as obscured. Hidden by himself and all of life’s experiences interpreted by his parents, without his critical view. MOG! how did I miss this! Where was I the last several times I watched this movie. Does this mean that I missed other meanings in movies?
I have been in a type of self-imposed exile from myself and from most of the people around me. Has this self-reflection finally done something to allow me to understand things in ways I never did before?
I remember after the movie a thought of Patrik. I don’t remember why. But this must be why I was thinking of him today. In some ways I feel as if I let Patrik down. As if somehow I was not there for him when he was going through his crises. As if he did not understand he could always reach out to me and I would do everything physically possible to help him in any way he needed. there are less than a handful of people in my life I have had this type of love for. My son, my grandfather, my friend Patrik and a few others. I’m not sure if this is filling a gap needed in male role models or what. I think Patrik would be amused at the moniker “male role model”.
I always wondered what Patrik saw in our friendship, and why he included me in his life. I was never a “cool or hip” person. But then I read an excerpt from the book inspired by him. “Where the North Sea Touches Alabama”. In this work Patrik is seen as enjoying the ambiguous or undefinable. With that information a piece of my life has fallen into place. Double entendre has always been a phrase that I relished, it is my favorite type of humor. I enjoy viewing in in life. The stories of animals that grow up out of synch with their species are tales that both bring tears to my eyes and make me enjoy all that is around me with more gusto. There is more to this I know but for now these are the thoughts I had today, I need to do life searches today but found myself here typing this to you?
url to a short talk by the author of “Where the North Sea Touches Alabama” http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y_gsUcwnlOA
Random days with Leah 
Hi. I just wanted to say that I empathized with your feeling like you let Patrik down. When I learned of his suicide in 2010, I was knocked to the floor with that exact feeling. Though we were very close friends in the mid eighties, I eventually moved on with my life and lost contact with him. A few years ago, I felt compelled to Google his name and learned of his death. Grief brought me to the floor. I have had to do a lot of inner work since then to move through that burning, ragged question “could I have saved him?” Perhaps. Perhaps not. That he killed himself did not surprise me because I knew his angst. I am just glad he is at peace now and I wish that for you regarding him.
It’s odd for me because I did not have conversations with many people, I did with Patrik. We talked once about the year 2000 and how old we would be and I was like wow I’ll be 40 and he said he never planned to live past 30. He gave me some of his art, through many moves I only kept his death mask piece which I have stored in my garage. I don’t think anyone could have saved him. I think that maybe his understanding of his mortality drove him to push himself beyond what most of us will because we become life aware. I would love to hear from you again Lin. I remember you and enjoyed the few times we met.